The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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