Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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