i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
