just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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