I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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