Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dick very happy bro
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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