i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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