i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
