he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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