she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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