Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
