I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
