I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
