he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
