mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this hospital has no fireball
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
