I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
