Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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