somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
