You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
