im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
