I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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