You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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