A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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