god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
