dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
