Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
