I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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