dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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