She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
