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• (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

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• (352): View more from Florida

  But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.

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