My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
