every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize