Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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