she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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