dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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