i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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