Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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