In the future we'll all be gay
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
