I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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