Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
