wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
