YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
