perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize