I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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