apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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