omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
