She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
