you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
