literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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