you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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