I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
