Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the raccoons are back...
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