using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
