mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
