You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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