my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
