If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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