The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
