im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
