I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
