if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
