apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
