I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
