I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
