is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
