There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
