whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
