Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
