Small penises have feelings too.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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