Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
