i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
