I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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