DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
