You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
