Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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