I want to walk on stilts...naked
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
